walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
