Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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