Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
