I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
