i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
