But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
