fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
