How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
