yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
