I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
sarcasm needs its own font
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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