I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
No subtext here. People are naked.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
