if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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