Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
