what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize