Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
bring money and cleavage
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
