what day is it and did you see me today?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
