i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
