why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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