i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
