"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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