so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
