I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
