my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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