I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
