We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
