thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
