Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
