I must be too annoying 4 u.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
