So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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