but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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