Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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