If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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