and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
