Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
