I'm going to jail i love you
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
