You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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