I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
