Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
