so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
pop tarts are not kleenex
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
