worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
