i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
