Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
