You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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