She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
It's rum buckets o'clock
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
