you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
