census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
