Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
