I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
