I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
there was a trapeze. enough said
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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