other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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