He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
