Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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