I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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